X- Are You Obsessed with Your Spouses Ex?

Are you Obsessed with your Ex? Worse, Are you Obsessed with your Spouses Ex?

Do you have a character in your book who is obsessive, perhaps suffering from a personality disorder? Or maybe your character is just an insecure person? Perhaps we are discussing your evil villain?

We read articles every day about woman and men, unwilling to let go of their past; they hang on & cling to past relationships. I want to bring awareness to another type of obsession that is just as dangerous, unhealthy and destructive: Obsessed with your partner's ex.

With the advent of the Internet, law enforcement has been inundated with a new kind of bullying and stalking, Internet stalkers and cyber bullies have found an area where they feel safer, because of the illusion of anonymity. Teen bullying has been addressed in many recent blog post and we've all run across articles pertaining to the obsession of an ex, but law enforcement is now dealing with a widespread trend of stalkers whose target is someone the predator considers the competition. Woman (and men) are using social media and anonymity to stalk their partner's ex romantic interest.

10 Signs that you are obsessed with your partner's eX- romantic partner.

First of all, it is normal for humans to be somewhat curious about our partner's past relationships. We want to know what went wrong and it's also completely healthy & normal to occasionally wonder about the ex:

What does he or she look like? Are they prettier or more handsome than I am?  When do you cross the line from normal and healthy curiosity to an obsessed, crazed, insecure stalker?

Read the list of warning signs. How many apply to you or your character? More than a few and you or your character might need to consider seeking help from a trained mental health professional.

1. You think about your partner's ex on a daily basis

2. You know as much or more about this person as his or her friends know

3. You stalk their social media pages: Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Blogs etc.

4. You constantly ask you partner about his/her ex

5. You spend hours sifting through old photos of your partner and his/her ex (or just photos of the ex)

6. You pretend to be someone else and comment on his/her blog or website

7. Your obsession is causing problems in your own relationship

8. You conduct your Internet searches, comments, tweets, post, etc. in private or secretly

9. You comprise your own post, tweets, comments or Internet remarks with the object of your obsession in mind (you fantasize about their reaction)

10. You lie about your partner's ex and bash them publicly and/or on the Internet

If two or more of the above listed criteria, ring true, it's time you step back and take inventory of your life and your relationship. If you suffer low self esteem or have a low self image, you can work with a trained mental health professional to build your confidence.

If you recognize yourself in the above criteria and you do nothing then at a minimum you are looking at a short lived romance with your partner. Think about it: Does your obsession with his/her ex cause friction in your relationship ? Does it feel like a marriage/relationship of three? Is your partner inciting your obsessive behavior? Does he/she goad you? If that's the case, perhaps you're in an unhealthy relationship. However, if you have a loving and loyal partner and you still find yourself obsessed with his past, then you need to address the issue. If not, disaster is brewing.

Least case scenario: Your unhealthy obsession ruins what could have been happy and healthy romance

Worst case scenario: Your obsession & stalking will lead to a law suit and/or criminal charges 

I will post letter Y, tonight and yippee ......tomorrow is letter Z
 Let's make a final push, visit twice as manyA to Z blogging challenge post, today & tomorrow.


  1. I'm exploring this theme a little in my new book that I'm working on.

  2. This would make an interesting theme for a character - one I hadn't thought of before. Thanks for opening my mind :) And glad to have met you!

  3. I'm not obsessed with my spouse's ex and rarely think of him though I have on occasion researched him on the internet, not because I felt threatened by him, but because I was interested in knowing more about him since he was a published author in Ecuador. I would have liked to have met him because he seemed very intelligent. He was also apparently a very despondent person. He committed suicide a few years ago and that was kind of sad.

  4. Wow, I have never considered this before! I guess if my husband talked a lot about his ex or took her into consideration, I would worry or think about her more. However, I don't really think much of the life my husband's ex lives because she has wasted so much of it that I'm not too concerned about her life enough to stalk her.

  5. I don't even know any of my wife's ex-boyfriends!

  6. I can understand being obsessed if your partner talked about an ex a lot, but what is odd is the people who go overboard without any provocation. To me that just signals an obsessive compulsive disorder

  7. What an interesting theme. I enjoy crime fiction, so your theme is right up my alley. Now I need to go back through and see what else you've had to say on the topic. Repaying your visit from AtoZ.

  8. Another awesome post. This is rather inspiring, really. Thankfully, I have zero interest in my boyfriend's ex to the point of not even knowing her last name. This could be a great problem for a story character. Sad for people in real life though.

  9. Thanks and I hope you will stop by again after the challenge is over

  10. Exactly. After reading about it in the news I've decided to explode this for a character in my next novel

  11. I've often wondered what the online world will be like when my kids have relationships. It seems almost impossible to NOT be in contact via Facebook or other sources - if not directly, then at least having common friends.

    I believe people who are more confident in themselves and in their relationships are less likely to be obsessed by exes, although it's natural to be curious.

  12. Glad I have never had to deal with that on either side of the equation. But with social media today peering into everyone's deepest secrets, care has to be taken with what you post. Reason #1 I very seldom post on Facebook and mainly it is generic stuff and not personal. But many people I have friended post stuff I would never put out there...male and female. I tell my wife all the time to be careful with her Facebook posts, you are not just talking in private to your two best girlfriends. Pros and cons in everything.

    BTW, I sent you an email regarding the gift card prize, not sure why you didn't get it but the email I use on blogger is the one to send it to : ccfarch@live.com

  13. Hmm. My husband and I are celebrating our 44th anniversary next week. I can't even remember if he had an ex.

  14. Ok . Got it now. It could be that I just went so long without checking email that I missed it or sometimes when i check my email by phone i lose some of my messages. Gift card to you tomorrow morning .

  15. That's the best attitude to have and sounds like you have a wonderful and stable marriage . Happy anniversary

  16. I must admit, I'm glad I grew up in a time that had no internet. Bullying at school was bad enough without the extra online bullying!

  17. Well luckily I get on well with my wife's ex, he's the father of my stepkids and so it's mutually beneficial all round that things are amicable! There can be the occasional disagreement but that's the case in any friendship. Kids can really be affected by things like what you describe. The bad side of the internet is it's made stalking and bullying so much more easy and insidious.

  18. Lots of potential there for an interesting character. I would think that they must be pretty insecure though, to be that obsessed.

    Rinelle Grey

  19. I've luckily never had issues with exes - mine or my spouse's. But as a
    former librarian, I've always enjoyed the hunt of finding people -
    long-lost friends, etc. The internet makes it that much easier to "fall down the rabbit hole" so to speak, and get fixating on finding out more about someone.

  20. I am definitely not an obsessive type nor would I have a relationship with someone who is. I had my lesson in that department when I was in my twenties and that was enough for me!

  21. Living in the past takes too much time and energy away from the present.

  22. I've never had a problem with exes, since I've never been in a relationship, haha.


  23. Yeah... the symptoms you describe definitely show an unbalanced mind.

  24. I have to admit I've looked up exes on the Internet, but it never makes me feel very good. Great post and I love the design of this blog!


If you don't have anything nice to say ... then sit by me. Kidding. Please share your thoughts. I love comments. I dislike stalkers & trolls. If you want to ask me a direct question, please email me: sugarlaw13 at live dot com

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