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Insecurity & New Things

Insecurity: Is it the lack of confidence?

I have always considered myself a fairly confident person. Fortunately, I don't  have a fear of public speaking. It would be easy to attribute this to my career as a trial attorney, but I've never experienced much of a public speaking fear. It is probably related as much to my childhood as my career choice. I grew up with five (5) brothers and four (4) sisters. Yup, you read that, correctly- ten of us all together. My wonderful, blended family included, halves, wholes and steps, but at one time or another we all lived in the same house.

They are all older, with the exception of my two younger sisters. Before the oldest began college, one right after another, on weekends our home felt more like a dormitory than a family home. On any given weekend, we all had one or more friend spend the night. At our house, simply asking a sibling to pass the potatoes or asking (shouting, rather) an older sister to get off the telephone (I realize that I am showing my age here, but I grew up in a pre-cell phone, pre- Internet, era) was an act of public speaking.

Which brings me to the topic of this post. Today is the first Wednesday, of the month, hence it is once again time for Alex Cavanaugh's Insecure Writer's Support Group, {IWSG}.

 I am feeling particularly and exceptionally insecure this month. Why? Because I am attending my first, ever, writers conference, next week. Why would this make me, suddenly, experience a debilitating, wave of panic? I don't know, but I know that it has.

I have longed to attend a writing conference, dreamed of it, saved for it, begged my husband to go with me, and is here...and what happens? I feel pangs of insecurity. I didn't expect this. I was rather surprised when the feeling overtook me this week.

I mean it's not like, I am the first person to ever attend a writer's conference, for the first time. I'm not the only writer, forging into a hotel full of authors, agents and publishers, without a clue what to do or how to act. I'm not being unrealistic. I know this conference does not somehow, magically, determine whether or not I am talented enough to become a published author.  I know that I will enjoy myself. I know that I will meet interesting people. I know that I will make new friends. I know that I will learn boatloads of information that I never could have learned without attending. I realize that this is a wonderful opportunity to mingle, learn and make contacts.

So what the hell is wrong with me and why am I suddenly insecure? Why do I feel like a wet noodle or a lump of silly putty?

How about you? Did any of you feel insecure before your first writer's conference? Did the feeling vanish, once you arrived and got the feel of things? Please share your writing conference experiences. The good, the insecure and the fabulous. I really need to hear them.

Are any of you attending the San Francisco Writers Conference?

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