Blogging Hiatus

Blogging Hiatus:


Greetings blogger friends.


It has been a while since my last blog post. I have also been remiss in reading and commenting on your blogs. Actually, I have read many of your blog post, but I have not left many comments. I read here and there when I am feeling disconnected from all of you, but it has been sporadic.

Many of you know that my oldest brother was diagnosed with lung cancer a little over a year ago. He was fifty eight years old and on May 30th, after a courageous battle, he died at home.  The funeral was held on June 2, 2012.


(Photo above: My brother Chip, holding Blake, while she was still in the N.I.C.U.- she was a preemie, weighing 1 pound 13 oz. when she was born)



(Photo above: Blake now at age 13)


Our family is divided, further exacerbating our sorrow. The funeral felt and probably resembled an old rerun of the Hatfield and McCoys. I wanted to stand up in the sanctuary and scream, "WTF, come on people, let's put our petty differences aside and come together for the sake of our family. Can't we get along and properly honor our brother's memory?" But, I didn't.

My father, who is the head of our dysfunctional family, is in his mid 80's and he looked like his will to continue living was being sucked from him. I won't go into the specifics, but my brother's wife of thirty four years does not like my mother, her step-mother-in law or any of the children born of my mother and father's marriage of forty six years and apparently begrudges my father for having a second family.

Our family is a classic example of "Yours, Mine & Ours."  I have far too many whole brothers and sisters, half brothers and sisters and step brothers and sisters to even attempt to explain our complicated family tree. The important thing is that none of us (the children-although we are all pretty much grown now), but none us  consider the other or refer to the other as half, or step. We are all just brothers and sisters.

This has been a very difficult time for our family. Of my five brothers, only one is still living. My mother has lost sons and my father has lost two and I have lost four brothers. One died in a car accident in 1980, My brother, Blake, whom my daughter is named after, died in a car accident in 1990 and another brother died in a car accident in 2003.  All four of my sisters are  alive and well and I treasure every single moment I have with them.

I just wanted to write a brief post explaining my absence. A good friend and fellow blogger, Laura Barnes, has an excellent blog that focuses on helping  authors build a successful media presence. She offers blog critiques From A Marketing Perspective (FAMP), each Monday.  Laura is one of many bloggers who  stresses the importance of letting your readers  know when you will be away from your blog for an extended period of time and when you will resume posting. 

While I could not have anticipated the date my hiatus would begin, I should have explained  my absence.  It is never a good idea to just disappear from your blog. I really did not foresee being away from my blog this long.  That's one of the things about grief ; you never now how long it will last.  I am feeling much better and I anticipate that I will return to regular postings by the end of this week.

Until then, my message to you :

Cherish your family and loved ones and treat them with love and respect. Don't let petty disagreements fester into grudges. Tell your loved ones that you love them. Apologize when you are wrong and accept apologies from others when they are offered with sincerity.  Hell, for the sake of happiness,  apologize even if you don't believe you are wrong. Remember, it is not about who is right or wrong or who wins or loses.  If you want the relationship to win,  be willing to give in. If you have a difficult family member who will not meet you half way, then be the better person and meet them seventy five or even ninety nine percent of the way.  If  letting the other person believe  that they are right or that they have won the dispute will  bring peace to your  family, then just do it. 

Ask yourself:  "Will this matter a month from now? A year from now?"  Concentrate on what is truly important in life. To borrow from popular author,  Richard Carlson,  "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff."    Don't hold grudges.

"The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong."~ Gandhi
                                                                                 

"Without forgiveness life is governed by... an endless cycle of resentment and retaliation." ~ Roberto Assagioli

"Forgiveness is like faith. You have to keep reviving it." ~ Mason Cooley

Do you have a favorite forgiveness quote?




12 comments:

  1. ...so very sorry for your loss, Melissa.

    El

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  2. So very sorry Melissa.  Take care!
    Here is a forgiveness quote I like:
    “Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.” ― Mark Twain

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  3. Melissa, I'm so sorry for your loss. Prayers for you and your family. It is sad when families can't get along. Life is very precious. People are very precious.

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  4. I'm sorry for your loss. You seem like a very strong, positive person and I like the approach you are taking to this :) There are many others who would react otherwise

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  5. Sorry to hear about your brother. This sounds so terrible and to to have family in-fighting must have made it extra hard on you. I am thankful I am in a family with no "ripples on the pond". I just hate seeing them only at funerals now. You have a beautiful daughter and it is very cool she is named after your brother. Melissa, I wish you the best and you have been missed but when you're ready...come on in, there's no bickering here.:  :)

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  6. So sorry to hear about your brother. I deal with a dysfunctional family of in-laws, so I know where you're coming from. And no worries about your blog absence. Take all the time you need. I hope things get better for you soon. 

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  7. Sorry for your loss.  You have some wise words here.

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  8. Hi Melissa, I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. You've been through many. Grief blinds us from other people's feelings or life's functions. I think we all understand that.

    I don't have a forgiveness quote. My life has been turned upside down over the past 10 months, and some fences just can't be mended. It's best I release the toxic people in my life then let them soak up my happiness.

    I wish you the best and hope you're healing. My thoughts are with you and your family. God Bless your mom and dad.

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  9. Melissa I'm so so sorry to hear about your loss. You and your family are in my thoughts. Life is too short and unpredictable to hold grudges. Hope your family can get through this together. Take care. 

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  10. I am so sorry for your loss. I wish you and your family the best and I am sorry that it is so difficult for everyone to get along. Don't worry, all families have drama, even the one's that pretend to be really normal. You are in my prayers. 

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  11. not a direct forgiveness quote--but from the Bible---"with what mercy you show, you will be shown"---i am so sorry for your recent loss and all of your many losses---i pray God grant all of your family peace<3

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  12. Dear Melissa .. I read this a while ago and needed to read it properly before I commented.

    My thoughts are with you .. and must make life so difficult for everyone; you seem to have summed up the situation and as you say now is the important time and the future - there is no point in carrying forward petty grievances.  I just hope everyone in your family can come to terms with their family and be happy and respectful to each other.

    To lose so many brothers must be devastating and I can only wish the best for their families .. Blake looks a delightful daughter and I'm so pleased your brother had some time with his daughter.  Such a devastating loss ... 

    My thoughts to you all - Hilary

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