I am just a day behind. So much for my 2012 goals- I will not procrastinate
I will learn to manage my time more efficiently
I suppose my biggest insecurity at the moment is that Alex-The Group Therapist, will throw my sorry, lazy ass out of the support group. But, no you can't. I need my therapy.
What am I insecure about as a writer? A whole lot of things.
I think I must be insecure about, for lack of a better word or phrase: the fear of completion. Am I so afraid of failure and rejection that I am sabotaging my own chance of success? Let me try to explain. I thought I had a finished, complete novel. I was all geared up to send it to someone who graciously offered to critique it and I began to worry. On a positive note, I read Martha Alderson's new book, THE PLOT WHISPERER and I was impressed. I signed up for a series of plot consultations with her and I learned so much about story structure and sequence.
After our second consultation, Martha had a good idea about the plot, characters, theme and other importand story points of my novel. With the use of her plot-line and input I was able to rearrange the order of some of the scenes that I was on the fence about. The minor changes vastly improved my story. I am scheduled to start back this month with our ongoing plot consultations. This makes me happy. This is not my problem.
My problem seems to be that I am never completely satisfied. I am always reading new craft or technique books and starting over. I don't necessarily go all the way back to the beginning and start all the way over, but if I read a blog post or a book or I take a class, I inevitable end up picking an area of my novel and rewriting it.
Revisions and rewrites are part of the process, so what is my big problem, you ask? About 90% of the time I go back to my original version of the part I just had to take apart and dissect.
Why am I so afraid to just say, " This is it. This is my complete, revised, polished novel." ?
I have decided to send what I believe is my final draft to a professional editor. I just need to push myself. I get my MS ready to go, I research the professional editors & then Boom~~Fear~~ takes over and I start the same crap all over again. I tell myself that it is not ready for an editor.
Bottom line: I am afraid it just won't be good enough. That is the only explanation I can find. In my mind, until I am rejected I don't really know that it is not good enough.
Okay, that was hard to say. I am ashamed and embarrassed.
How do you convince yourself that your final draft ----is just that------your Final Draft?
I love comments & I appreciate each and every one. I am going to switch back & quit using DISQUS as soon as my Get Fired Up blogfest is over.
Until then, I am asking for you to please fill out the area that ask for your name, email and website when you leave a comment. If you don't then I cannot click on your name and be linked to your blog & I have to find you in my followers list, or hope to come across your name in the comment section of another blog or I have to google your name & blog. I just worry that I am not replying or reading your blogs and that really bothers me. I guess you could say I am very "insecure" about it.
I apologize for the inconvenience. I assure you it is temporary. I will return to blogger comments on 2/29/12-after the contest ends (I don't want to risk losing any comments from participants).